So what is the hardest part of Ironman?

Standing in the elevator at work, a person in my building noticed my IM Florida Finishers jacket. He asked me, "So, what was the hardest part?" while pointing to my jacket.

I turned to him, smiled, and replied "Signing up."


I never would have been wearing that jacket if I did not start.  And believe me when I say that it takes the most courage to sign that piece of paper and hand over your $625-$700+ non-refundable entry fee.

Do you know why there are so few Ironman finishers in the world?  At IM Florida, they celebrated the 500,000th individual finisher of the Ironman races.  That is a lot of people in general, but that is over multiple races world-wide in all 30 years of the branded event as it is held today.  The reason why it has taken 30 years to hit half a million Ironman finishers is simple.  The fear of the unknown.


This will be my last post on the Journey to IMFL for now.  When I register for another IMFL, which I will and tentatively aiming for 2015,  I will re-open this blog and catalog my journey that year much better than I did this one.

I am taking away from this experience the knowledge that I can take on anything.   And more importantly, I am taking with me a lesson in how to start.

Long before my dreams of Ironman would come to fruition, I had a dream to be able to look into a mirror and love myself.

I realized that dream on this journey.   I found happiness in my flaws.  I stopped seeing myself as a body and started seeing myself as a person. A whole person.


The next year is going to be a tight and tough one for us, but one we will survive and thrive in I am sure.  I am taking a year off from Ironman training to focus on performance and the next phase of my body transformation.

I am returning to Ironman in 2014 with Ironman Wisconsin.  I am going to be training much differently the next few years, and with that comes additional excitement.

So I leave you with this, the final post of this particular leg of my journey. The message is simple.

Never give up, but more importantly have the courage to START.

Who knows where you will end up... but isn't that the fun of it?

More Than, Greater Than

Earlier this week I posted about how I have struggled most of my adult life with the fear of failure.  The ultimate point of the long-winded post was that I started out the journey always thinking how I was LESS THAN I wanted myself to be.   I am here today to say that I am ending this particular journey, the journey to Ironman Florida 2012, with the knowledge that I am MORE THAN that I am GREATER THAN those fears.

I used to say that running was my church but triathlon saved my life.  Now I need to amend that and say that while running is my church and triathlon saved my life, Ironman gave me back myself to enjoy it all.

This race-specific blog was started 2 years ago with the purpose of tracking my progress in training for Ironman Florida.  At the end, I decided that it was more important to capture the journey of re-discovering myself through the act of total dedication. 

The proof here is that I now realize that all that I have gained through the past year more than makes up for all that I have given up on over the past 10.  I quit believing in myself way back in college when a relationship went bad and I was left with a deeply broken ego.  I ended up a deeply broken person.  It has taken years of attempting to rebuild, only to get sidetracked and have to start all over again. 

Every time I got broken, I got back in the saddle and tried again.

At the end of it all I never quit rebuilding myself. I would dig deeper each time and try to heal my broken ego, with plenty of stumbling block along the way. 

I quit my first marathon at mile 23.  MILE 23.  I pulled out of races or switched to shorter distances because I just knew I would not make it.  Throw in the middle of all of that a diagnosis of Temporal Lobe Epilepsy in the form of petite mal and psychic seizures, and it pushed me over the edge.  I wasn't worthy of success or a good life. I wasn't good enough.  I was a dysfunctional wanna be.  I was so deeply broken physically and emotionally.

The feelings that started 10 years ago just never went away no matter what I did.  What more would I have to do to show myself that I was worthy of success?     

That is when I realized what I was doing and where the journey to Ironman FL 2012 was taking me.   It is so much MORE THAN 140.6 miles. It is about faith and dedication and healing my broken self. It is about knowing that failure is not an option anymore, and that I have earned the victory lap.  I am worthy. I am back! 

Anyone can do an Ironman.  Not everyone is willing to work for it.  I meant it when I said that I am the laziest person I know.  I really am. However I am also a very dedicated person when I find a cause that I believe in.   I finally believe in myself.  I am one of the few willing to and who is fortunate enough to be able to put aside and sacrifice for a year to make this goal, this dream,  a reality.

Ironman has already given back to me in so many ways, however the biggest gift is a healed ego. A healed sense of self. 

Every time that I increased some power on the bike, every mile that I ran a faster mile, every time that I dropped a clothing size, and every time that I swam longer and longer in open water culminating in a 5k (3.1 mile) open water swim through lakes and rivers I was putting energy into the universe and the universe was giving me 10-fold power to find myself again. I just needed to be open to receive it.

Thanks to my amazing friend Vickie and my coach Bonnie, I was able to see myself through their eyes and together they helped restore me.  And thanks to my friend Amy, who has always inspired me however now even more.  

Every mile and hour that I deposited in to the bank account of Ironman was a bandage on my broken self.  Every time that I would hop in the pool or lake, that I would go for a run or ride I would log my workouts and marvel that I was really doing this.  I did not half ass it.  I was DOING IT.  And yes sometimes it took Vickie and Bonnie to tell me that I was doing it before I believed it for myself, but I am forever grateful that they never gave up even when I was doubting myself. 




So, here I am just a few weeks away from the victory lap and I can firmly say that this race has been MORE THAN a test a physical endurance and strength, it was also about showing myself my true colors. It showed to me that I am MORE THAN I thought that I was.



Now that I have faced the fears behind me I am ready to look forward with a new sense of self.   I have accomplished all of my goals this year.  I have not quit one thing and I have not allowed myself to back out of anything that I have put my mind to do.

I am sitting here with a smile on my face because I know that November 3rd will be as my friend Tom Demerly has said, a long walk across the graduation stage.  I finally get it.

It is not the end of a journey,  but the beginning of my life without the shackles of doubt and fear. 

In the coming weeks I am going to start blogging more about what my plans for the day are.  I have decided to enjoy every mile of the day, no matter how tough it gets.  That means that I am going to put a focus on each segment of the race, breaking it up into 40 or so parts, taking it 1 mile at a time.  I am going to be taking some very special people with me in my heart during Ironman. 

I am an Ironman.  I can do this.  I have given my all for this moment, and I am ready to toe that line with 2,000+ of my crazy like-minded friends.

It is really here!  I am ready to walk across the graduation stage!  I am ready for my victory lap! 

Less Than

I am the laziest person I know.   So imagine my surprise when I have had people this year tell me how I have inspired them either with my Ironman aspirations or my lifestyle change to veganism and plant strong nutrition. 

I graciously accept the compliments and notes of encouragement and support, but always think in the back of my mind how I could possibly inspire them... I am just a lazy person with a pie-in-the sky dream of being an Ironman. Right?

There have been times in this journey that I have felt like a fake.  An imposter.  A wanna be.  There have even been times in this journey where I have laid awake at night or sat in my car on the way to a workout and cried.   

Yes, cried.  Just cried.  For hours. So many hours.  ALL of the hours.  

I am already a failure... why even start the race I am not possibly qualified to participate in?

Going out for any one of the hundreds of hours of training I was putting in I would witness the real athletes (those already forged in Iron) and upon seeing the work and dedication that they are putting in to training for this race it would make me wonder what on Earth I am doing. 

THESE are the inspiring people, not me. These are the Ironmen.  They are just so much better than I.  What if I fail?  What happens WHEN I fail?  Will they all realize that I am that lazy person and never have faith in me again?  Oh my goodness... will I loose faith in myself too?

I am not a real athlete, and only real athletes are Ironmen.  I am LESS THAN that.  I am a couch surfer who goes out and swims, bikes, and runs a lot. 

I am not dedicated enough.  I have not sacrificed enough.  I have not given it my all or executed the plan right.  I just am so much LESS THAN that. 

Time has slipped away, I am out of time, I am out of time, I am out of my mind. 

The sad truth of the matter is that all of these feelings have crossed my mind, my heart, and my lips over the long course of the past 11 months.


When I signed up for Ironman, I half felt in my heart that there was no way that I would finish this journey.  I would quit, I would get injured and give myself the easy out. I would figure out the exact excuse or reason later, but surely it would come.  It always does.   

But somewhere along the way I had an epiphany.

I was sitting in my hotel room in Mexico when it happened, and I recall looking at myself in the mirror as I was putting on my workout clothes.  The clock read 11:05pm and I was heading out for a 1.5 hour bike/run brick workout in the sub-par thrown together fitness center available to me.  I looked in the mirror and saw an overweight person about to go look a fool in the fitness center when everyone else was at the bar which was ironically positioned right outside the fitness center so they could all witness the silliness. 

"Check out that fat chick running in there!"

"What on earth is she doing?"

I saw the fear rise in my eyes as I started to tear up.

Yes, what am I doing?

I am doubting myself as being dedicated, as deserving the honor of working hard to meet my dreams, of really being an athlete - yet I am getting ready to do a workout in Mexico at 11:05pm while all my coworkers are at the bar.

Yes!  What the heck am I doing to myself?

I sat down on the edge of the hotel bed and wrote a note to myself, pinned it to the mirror, read it every night and morning, and then got in not only that workout but every workout on my plan that week including a half hour swim in an 11 yard pool. All the while people ate and drank around me.

Jennifer,  

You are the athlete that you want to be.  Every day you are shedding the doubt and moving closer to her, the girl you want to see in the mirror.  You are dedicated, you have sacrificed, you have laid the foundation and now just need to have faith in yourself, faith in the journey ahead of you.  No one is laughing at you.  How can they?  You have a dream and more importantly you have the desire to WORK for that dream. No one can take that away from you.  Remember, Ironman is not the destination... this is a journey of reclaiming your life.  You can do this.  You are MORE THAN you think. You are MORE THAN an Ironman.  You are Jenniferlyn, and you have got this.  Just keep putting one foot in front of the other.  KEEP ON WORKING.  

Of course I have not been perfect in my training.  I have ebbed here and there, sort of floating in and out of the process.  But it lasts for short periods of time, mainly due to sickness or balancing the crazy jam-packed year that I have had between graduating with my MBA, getting married, training for this little race and oh yeah, switching my career completely.   I guess the fear of Ironman made sure that each time I would stray due to whatever, I would come back with a renewed vigor and excitement for the process.

Have I sacrificed?  Um, yes.  Have I put in work?  Oh yeah, 58 watts, 50# and 4 dress sizes worth.  Am I ready?  I know in my heart I have done my best and that best was SO MUCH MORE THAN I ever realized I had in me.

This post is me finally coming clean with myself that I need to stop knocking myself down and realize that I am more dedicated and capable than I have given myself credit for.  I am not lazy, in fact I have worked my butt off (quite literally).  I am also not anything more than a person who had a dream, made it public, dedicated and committed themselves to achieving it and put in the work to set themselves up to achieve it.

Take this one thing away from my journey to become an Ironman: there is no magic or luck in fulfilling your dreams.   If I (the laziest person that I know) can do it, so can you.

While it starts with faith and a dream, it ends only when you put those dreams into action and work. 

Do not be afraid of the time it will take to accomplish the work ahead. The truth is that time is going to pass by anyway, the only difference is if we are sitting idly watching it go by or if we are engaged and participating in it.

I chose to get off of the couch and participate in it.  

No matter what transpires over the course of the 17 allotted hours on November 3rd, 2012 I know that I have done so much more than I ever thought that I would in my life.  This is not the final destination, but another stop in the journey of my life.    

Do you have any sensitivites to sea creatures?

Upon seeing that question on the entry form for the 2012 race I started to laugh.  I really REALLY had to hold back and not put my first inclination.

"Yes.  Sharks.  I tend to die when they eat me."

Good job, Jenn.  Way to exercise self control!  *pats self on back*


I have this fear of the ocean/open water/random fish tank that anyone who has ever swam with me outside of a pool can attest to.  A triathlete afraid of swimming with fish.  Awesome.  I literally scream underwater every time I see a fish.  I have gotten so used to this reaction that I can scream and swim at the same time, not missing a stroke.  Obviously... and I can tell that you see exactly where this is going... an Ocean Ironman was the most logical thing for me to undertake.  As if doing the whole "Ironman thing" wasn't difficult enough, I chose to do one centered around my all time favorite place in the world which ironically is home to the most scary thing in the world to me: the ocean.


Every single time I get into a body of water larger than 25m long without lane dividers and chlorine, I have a moment of  "what am I doing?!".  I really hope that it is unnoticeable to those around me as I do my best impression of a person wearing 'big girl" panties who loves to swim in lakes.  Honestly lakes freak me out 90% of the time.  No worries about me swimming alone!  I feel the best odd for survival is to swim in groups. so when the little fishies go to eat me bite by bite, there will be people around to help me fend for my life.

I know that this is irrational as I am quite a bit larger than your average run of the mill minnow, however even they freak me out.  I am getting better.  Four years of swimming in the lakes and funny how not one of my friends nor myself has had any issues with those pesky killer fish.   Maybe fish are not so killer afterall?  Or maybe they are playing the waiting game, trying to ease my nerves then attack when I find myself lulled into a state of acceptance.  Haha!  I will never be lulled into acceptance, so there killer fish!  Take THAT! 


I have worked really hard at getting the uncomfortableness under control and once in a race or group swim situation I am fine. With more people I feel safer, as if somehow our energies combine and we become a force to deal with, one that the fishes would rather not.  I have even tried forcing myself to search for fish while I swim in order to realize that they are not coming after me,  but rather to understand that what I am doing is akin to swimming through their living room.   I know the same will be true for next year, meaning that I will be absolutely fine in the water, however all the talk about the pink meanies and sharks seen at this years race sent my heart directly to the bottom of my stomach.  Time to get mentally prepared.


PINK MEANIE

Pink Meanie  - the new species of Jellies which can be 3 foot wide with 70 feet of stinging tentacles

I did find something of value to ease my mind about the jellies in all of my reading. 

1. Wear my sleeved wetsuit to help shield myself from stray jellies of all verities
2. Slather myself with either vasoline or Sea Safe to protect exposed skin from the venom in said jellies
3. Make sure to have venom neutralizers in my transition bags in case I am one of the people, and there were many this year, who are stung. 

I am actually feeling much much better about the jellyfish situation. Crisis averted.

SHARK BAIT Is that anything like jail bait?

Oh, but then there was the shark sighting. Not just in the area, but right below (15' or so) the swimmers.  It was a black-tipped shark.  I did some reaseach on this variety of creature and I have to say that while they account for 16% of Florida's shark attacks, they are relatively harmless to humans unless there is food nearby.  Note to self:  avoid chumming the waters prior to the swim.   I also read that sharks tend to go for the stragglers in a group should they pose an attack  Note to self:  work on speed and efficiency this year.

Nom nom nom.  I'm HUNGRY.... for you.

Putting this weakness into writing has forced me to face it directly.  I have come to realize that if 2,500 athletes brave the water each and every year for the past 13 years and not one has been killed by a shark a jelly or anything other than the unfortunate reality of a situational drowning (two people in Ironman and 1 in the Gulf Coast tri since 2006),  I would say that I am in as good a position for survival as every other swimmer out there.  I do not consider myself at special risk for an attack of anything or that I am the weakest swimmer as I know that I am not.  The reality is one that is frank and comforting:  we are all there in the same conditions, with the same day ahead of us.

I am coming to grips with what an ocean swim means, and knowing what is ahead of me has actually comforted me in a way.  The swim will be exciting, it will be nerve wracking, and when I come out of the brine after my  2.4 mile stretch with 2,499 of my closest friends I will have conquered the biggest of all of my fears.  I AM GOING TO CONQUER MY FEARS.  I felt the need to restate that with a more positive spin. ;-)



This whole process is making Trout Lake look like my bath tub, and I honestly cannot wait to go for a dip!





With that, I bid a wonderful weekend!  Make good things happen!